I can tell you that I've never met someone who has lost in touch with himself for the longest time for the most consecutive days ever.
Well, if you're wondering, the person is me, myself & I.
Here's something I wrote last week.
I've been fucken moody this week. Things happened which I do not to happen
again.. EVER. I broke someone's heart, I've messed up my future career and I
can't stop lying to myself. I feel so fake like a china's doll, all clay. I'm
living a life of lies and betrayals and for crying out loud, this is not one of
the attention-seeking stories for another restless teenager. This is really how
I feel, a true feeling I can't absolutely explain to others with all the right
words and expressions. I can't live to expectations anymore because I know that
no one is perfect. But I can't help myself to tell you right in your goddamn
face, that you WANT others to be perfect just like how you would judge a person
based on hus/her appearance (please stop denying, really). so I'm telling you
now, I am sorry. I'm sorry I can't be a perfect son, sibling, brother,
bestfriend, friend, mate, partner, whatever. I'm not that type of person I
thought I am because I'll never be one. I just need you to live with it, for a
favour or the very most, for good. I'm sick of all your comments and rumours to
bring me down so hard, & at the end of the day I'll pick myself up with
every ounce of strength that I have in me. I don't need to know how good your
fairytale-y sex life is because I am fucken glad that I'm not YOU, really I do.
Maybe, because of people like you, I'm becoming someone I never knew I could be
and that I really want to show you SYAHRUL, away from all the sexiness, silly
jokes and happy facades that I put up with.
I just needed someone to talk to but he's not here.
Replacements is always easy, but the person I talk to is really important.
If you really sincerely want to talk, please make a move.
I hate it when people say that he/she will lend a shoulder to cry on or lend a listening ear, but at the end they'll never do so.
I know I can be one of them sometimes, but I've learnt it through my mistakes.
And really, there are secrets that I have to keep within my own body & soul, but it's just difficult for me to pour out my feelings to others.
It's what I am and time may change it but please, give me time.
Labels: i'm sorry i can't be perfect