Do you sometimes feel that you 'tricked' yourself to feeling happy?
Adopting the mantra "Ignorance is bliss"?

I do, but it has some certain impacts on me.
This may be personal but I don't mind sharing it since it's a blog anyway.

Sometimes, at night, a certain urge to cry would creep up.
It's this sudden heavy feeling in your throat and then your heart feels weak.
And tears start pouring, they just flow down your eyes.
Why? A couple of reasons.

Stress. Since entering JC, I've never felt the great impact of stress, not even during O Levels. But JC is so much different. You are made to adapt to the fast-paced environment of working, independent life. You are frequently pushed to the limits or more even. And being one who has bad time management and a thing for panicking, I am made a victim of super stress. Ironically, Art has been the worst subject for me to cope with. The amount of work I need to for a week's assignment equals the amount of half a year's A Level coursework. Beat that. And whoever said that Art was meant to be a pastime? Tearing seems to be a logical reason to distress yourself however, not to the extent that you wish you'd die rather than take Art. Yes, I rather die.

Missing someone. I missed my grandmum. Yes, even though she passed away 7 years ago, the moments we spend talking about the future made me missed her even more now. I've no idea what the future brings for me at this moment. I used to think growing up was a simple affair, that everything would go according to plan but look at me now. I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be 7 years ago. I wanted to go into top schools and colleges, make my parents and my grandmum, especially my grandmum, proud of me. But she left this world way too early. And then my world started to go into turmoil. Sounds quite dramatic, but I really felt the weight of having to lose a special one when I was just 10. It is too heavy for a child to carry. But I lived through it, having scraped through life's obstacles. And I know, from above, grandmum is looking down at me.

Loving a special one. Here's the thing: love is blind, so to speak. Love is not always about flowers and butterflies. We always aim for perfection in relationships which are way impossible in life. I wasn't so lucky in love, having to go through bad times over the years. And I've met a lot of people through this relationship causes. Then I met R. I know sometimes things don't go too well for us. You have your life and I have mine. We're busily occupied by school and we leave little time for us. But it is the messages and calls that keeps this relationship strong till now. You give me the strength to believe that at the end of the day, everything will be alright. I think I did question your love once or twice, but I never took it for granted. And maybe I was a little too problematic in this relationship (I'm sorry) but I never loved you lesser than the day before. I hope this would last. Till when? I'll leave it to God. (Anyway, happy 5th)

Getting close to Allah. I'm pretty sure I'm not a saint in any way. I've had my ups and downs through life. So, when you have no one to talk to, you talk to God. I've always prayed to him to show me the path that will guide me through life positively. I never asked him for too much. I've only asked him to take good care of my family, my friends and my special one. Even though, they might not always be there for me, I do want to be there for them. It's these simple prayers for them that I feel closer to them. I know Allah is listening and looking at me right now. I know that I can turn to Allah whenever I needed Him.

So, showing a facade can help sometimes.
It makes you go through life and see the most special things even the small ones.
Just smile when someone talks bad about you.
Smile when you know you had a bad day.
Smile when you feel really mad.
Smile when you can't take the way life is going.
Because smiling is the best remedy for one to hide away his feelings.