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Syahrul Naem Bin Jailani
150991
Aspiring Architect/Fashion Designer
I just want to make my parents proud, that's all.
28 June 2009 | 10:25:00 PM

When I observe my own friends in love, I don't know whether I should be jealous, scornful or just lucky. On one hand, there are the two intimate lovebirds who share the same sentiments with one another. They are there for each other, physically and the sight of it makes you want to yearn for a similar company. Those couples are those whom I usually envy, for I didn't had a chance to go through the same thing.

Secondly, those who can't be far apart from each other. It makes me wonder how I could survive the 5 months without R while others who had only met 5 minutes before could already feel the pain of something amiss. These are the couples who make you want to slap them across the face and make them feel tortured. Nah... just kidding. Hehe.

And on the other hand, the fights and quarrels that couples go through. They could be tiny but some turned out to be so huge, you don't even know how it happened. It makes me feel lucky that even though me and R are not communicating right now, at the very least, we are not fighting nor quarreling. I am thankful for that.

But it's hard to deny the fact that once you begin getting into relationships, what you always desire is to be loved by someone else (not your family or friends) but a special one. I confess that I am jealous of my friends who already have their partners AND they are enjoying each other's company. For all I know, me and R are not a conventional pair since we don't even know where this relationship is heading to. Sometimes I feel that it is my fault that I don't think through the decisions I had made before. But one should also realised that if a problem arises in a relationship, the the ones involved in the relationship need to solve it TOGETHER. One cannot call it a relationship if it is a one-sided affair.

R, I know you are trying. I am trying. I love you, and I hope that is enough. I miss you very, very, very much. I should stay strong and believe in God's destiny for me. I wish I could turn back time to when we were so close. Impossible, for now we've grown apart from each other, physically and I'm not sure, emotionally. I wish I knew whether you still love me, whether my place in your heart stays intact.

Answers, answers. We all yearn for answers in this life. I wish we had answers to all the questions we have in Wikipedia or Google but no, that's life. Full of questions... unanswered.

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