I'm so tired. Tired of listening how bad I am doing compared to other students. Tired of all the demands you put on me. Tired of whatever you have to say to mock my ability. I'm lethargic, I'm near exhaustion. Give me a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :(

Labels: college life

It's only the second week of school, and I'm feeling the pressure of A's breathing down my neck (the idea of something breathing down your neck sounds orgasmic -.-) Anyway, let me emphasise the SECOND WEEK of school yet again, and tell you that, to my suprise as well, I've broke down.

I know some of you might say that I should take things one step at a time and not get to caught up with everything that comes my way, but the truth is, I am taking one step at a time and it doesn't work for me. At this current rate, I have to really catch up with my studies because I feel that I've been neglecting them since the holidays. CNY holidays will be a good time to do the catching up of work.

Art has taken its toll on me. This is the first time, in the history of Syahrul Naem, that Syahrul would officially say that he abhors Art lessons. The intensity and competition among the seven of us in the room is so humid that I find myself struggling, coping to meet everyone's expectations. But yet again, I don't make that cut. And it's demoralizing because I was top for Art in the recent Promo exams. Yet, who am I kidding? That was only PROMOS, not the major A's.

I feel lost. I don't feel like I'm in the right place at the right time. I'm still trying to figure things out like my University admissions, my future careers etc. I know Allah will guide me through this. But for now, not only do I need Him, I need you as well :(

Oh well, I guess you can't have the best of everything. Life's not meant to be perfect. And it certainly ain't made to go our way. Life obstacles make you a better and stronger person. So, I musn't lose faith. If this is what Allah wants me to do/see/hear/smell etc., then this is what I have to accept. Most importantly, learn to accept.

Labels: college life

It's funny how life works. Now that school's starting tomorrow, I am contradicting my previous statement about my eagerness in going back to school. Yes, Syahrul feels that he doesn't want to go to school tomorrow due to some reasons.


1. Syahrul has not finish his holiday assignments as of now. He feels guilty of it but he is sure that the teachers would understand (not).


2. Syahrul is not ready to face the challenges up ahead given that this is his 'A' Level year. Who is, actually?


3. Syahrul has too many commitments in school as of now and he feels that he needs to get it all sorted out before it gets a toll on him.


4. Syahrul needs to get his priorities right and have more faith in himself because other people are getting to his nerves already.

5. Syahrul feels so lazy to wake up at 6 in the morning from now onwards. Hahaha.

Oh well, I guess there are some sacrifices that should be made when school re-opens. Trainings, meetings, consultations and homeworks are parts and parcels of college's life. But looking at the bright side, I only have half a year of studying to go and then, it's all revisions. But still, I am not looking forward to the end of year ('A' Levels). Raaaaaaaaah.

From now onwards, I've to believe in myself rather than hear what others has to say. I trust myself, and myself says follow the heart. I'll do whatever I want to and with a prayer or two, I'll gladly make that move. Even if it was a life-changing decision or a decision I would always regret, I will still look up with my head held high because nothing can bring me down. Wish me luck for the year as I prepare myself for the tough war... (Sounds like I'm going National Service)

Labels: college life